In many relationships, conflict does not become painful because couples care too little. It becomes painful because they care so much that every unresolved hurt starts pouring out at once. A conversation that begins with “I felt hurt when you dismissed me earlier” suddenly becomes: “And you never help around the house.” “And last month you ignored me at dinner.” “And your family always comes first.” “And honestly I’ve felt alone for years.” Before long, both partners are overwhelmed,...

“A passion for music can harden into an addiction to applause, a passion for lovemaking can cheapen into addiction to sexual relief. From a mythic way of looking at it, an overriding addiction would be a demon. A demon being something that wants us not to be liberated, not to cleave to heaven in this life. It’s a word for an energy that does not wish you well. And a very wily thing to do is to make us think we are ever freer as our addictions get an even further hold. So what do we do? We...

Every relationship is shaped in the small, everyday moments...far more than the big ones. A quick comment. A glance. A question. A sigh. In the research from the Gottman Method, these are called “bids for connection.” They’re small attempts to feel seen, heard, and emotionally close to your partner. And here’s the part most couples don’t realize: It’s not the bid that determines the health of your relationship; it’s how you respond to it. What Is a Bid for Connection? A bid is any attempt...