I posted recently on true guilt and false guilt here . This article tackles what I think is an even more difficult and complex emotion: shame. In my practice and life, I notice that it is at the core of our stuckness, our wounds, and our healing. Shame lies under every struggle for emotional freedom and authenticity. Whether someone is fighting perfectionism, overachievement, self-sabotage, or withdrawal, it often comes down to how well one can tolerate the sting of shame and

In a culture that prizes independence and personal space, many Americans are starving for something our bodies cannot live without: safe, comforting touch. Drawing on the insights of somatic therapist Peter Levine, this piece explores how touch regulates the nervous system, why children thrive through comforting contact, and why adults still need it just as much. It’s a reminder that we are mammals first — wired for closeness, healed through connection, and aching to be held

One of the most profound signs of emotional healing is the ability to hold both grief and gratitude at the same time. This is not an easy practice, especially for people who have lived through trauma. When someone’s history is marked by pain, neglect, or betrayal, gratitude can feel out of reach. It can even feel like a betrayal of the self to acknowledge anything good about what caused such hurt. Yet, the ability to see complexity, to recognize that even in the darkest story

Marriage can be one of life’s most rewarding experiences, but it is also one of the most challenging. Even couples with strong connections can face stressors such as disagreements over finances, parenting conflicts, intimacy issues, or communication breakdowns. For couples who want to strengthen their relationship, reduce conflict, and deepen their connection, Gottman marriage counseling offers a practical, research-backed approach. Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, t

Triangulation is one of the most common but least recognized patterns that lead to emotional chaos in families and intimate relationships. It describes what happens when two people in tension or conflict draw a third person into their emotional system in order to reduce anxiety or avoid direct communication. Psychiatrist Murray Bowen, the founder of Family Systems Theory, coined the term to describe how families manage stress through triangles instead of straightforward resol

In her classic work The Dance of Anger, psychotherapist Harriet Lerner describes a painful yet common relational pattern that unfolds when one partner begins to overfunction while the other underfunctions. This dynamic, though often invisible to the couple themselves, slowly erodes intimacy, breeds resentment, and leaves both people feeling unseen and dissatisfied. Lerner writes, “We learn to overfunction in response to others who underfunction, and we learn to underfunction

Continuing with our recent blog series on emotional abuse, tactics, and responses, we explore DARVO. When people confront someone who has caused them harm, they hope for accountability and understanding. Yet in many cases, especially those involving emotional, relational, or institutional abuse, the confrontation leads not to resolution but to confusion. One reason for this is a common manipulative pattern known as DARVO, an acronym for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Of

Guilt is one of the most powerful emotions we experience, and in my practice with adults, it is one of the most often misunderstood emotions. This blog explores what I find helpful to label as true guilt vs. false guilt. Guilt can be good! That is, it is pro-social. It keeps society in cooperative communities. While guilt can guide us toward integrity and repair (and not committing murder against our neighbor who leaves their dog out barking), it can also keep us trapped in

When someone loves a person who is addicted, emotionally abusive, or unpredictable, life can become a constant balancing act between love and fear. The helper tries to keep things from falling apart, but in doing so, begins to lose themselves. The three Ms—mothering, martyrdom, and manipulation—are three common patterns that grow out of this kind of relationship. They begin as ways to keep peace or feel safe, but over time, they create even more distance, resentment, and conf

In Agatha Christie’s Hallowe’en Party, there is a quiet but powerful exchange that reveals something essential about human nature. It is a conversation between Hercule Poirot and Michael Garfield, a man who has devoted his life to beauty. He tends to his gardens, his creations, and his image with devotion, yet he resists the intrusion of truth. Christie writes: He gave his head a sharp shake. “Why do you come and talk to me about things like that here, in my beautiful wood?”

Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, yet it often feels deeply isolating. When we hear the word grief, most of us think of death, the loss of someone we love. But grief wears many faces. It can come with the end of a relationship, the loss of health, the closing of a chapter we were not ready to leave, the realization of truth and untruth, or even the ache of a dream that never came true. Grief is not just about death. It is about loss in all its forms, the

When most people think of trauma, they imagine the event itself — the car crash, the abuse, the accident, the moment when something went terribly wrong. But the truth, as many trauma experts remind us, is that trauma is less about what happened to us and more about what happened inside us, especially when no one was there to help us through it. Trauma is not just the wound. It is the loneliness of carrying it. It is the body stuck on high alert, the mind frozen in a moment th

This post contains language used in IFS like Parts and Self. In IFS, we get to know our “parts” through compassionate curiosity and the...

“Most of us don’t think of or experience ourselves as animals. Yet, by not living through our instincts and natural reactions, we aren’t...

Denial is one of the most well-known defense mechanisms in psychology, and for good reason—it is remarkably powerful. While often thought...

Covid did wonders for normalizing remote work, efficient zoom meetings, and convenient online therapy and doctors appointments. Now many...

Grief and loss are experiences that touch every life. Whether it’s the passing of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even major...

Every couple has disagreements, but sometimes arguments can feel like they spin out of control. Instead of bringing partners closer,...

At Dynamic Counseling, we welcome the integration of faith and healing. This article highlights this integration by one of our therapists,...

Performance anxiety counseling in Colorado Springs Deadlines, presentations, performance reviews, big exams, or even daily workplace...