“Murder for Christmas?” Making Sense of Holiday Tension with IFS (Internal Family Systems) Firefighters

“There is, at Christmas, a spirit of goodwill. It is, as you say, ‘the thing to do.’ Old quarrels are patched up, those who have disagreed consent to agree once more, even if it is only temporarily.”

Johnson nodded.

“Bury the hatchet, that’s right.”

Poirot pursued his theme.

“And families now, families who have been separated throughout the year, assemble once more together. Now under these conditions, my friend, you must admit that there will occur a great amount of strain. People who do not feel amiable are putting great pressure on themselves to appear amiable! There is at Christmastime a great deal of hypocrisy, honourable hypocrisy, hypocrisy undertaken pour le bon motif, c’est entendu, but nevertheless hypocrisy!”

“Well, I shouldn’t put it quite like that myself,” said Colonel Johnson doubtfully.

Poirot beamed upon him.

“No, no. It is I who am putting it like that, not you. I am pointing out to you that under these conditions—mental strain, physical malaise—it is highly probable that dislikes that were before merely mild and disagreements that were trivial might suddenly assume a more serious character. The result of pretending to be a more amiable, a more forgiving, a more high-minded person than one really is, has sooner or later the effect of causing one to behave as a more disagreeable, a more ruthless and an altogether more unpleasant person than is actually the case! If you dam the stream of natural behaviour, mon ami, sooner or later the dam bursts and a cataclysm occurs!”

Colonel Johnson looked at him doubtfully.

“Never know when you’re serious and when you’re pulling my leg,” he grumbled.

Poirot smiled at him.

“I am not serious! Not in the least am I serious! But all the same, it is true what I say—artificial conditions bring about their natural reaction.”

⸻ Agatha Christie’s Murder for Christmas

Agatha Christie, in the voice of famous murder detective Hercule Poirot, wrote that at Christmastime people feel pressured to appear cheerful and agreeable even when they are carrying stress, irritation, or old emotional tension. Poirot explains that when people force themselves to be more patient, loving, or high minded than they truly feel, it creates an internal strain, and sooner or later the dam bursts. This idea fits well within the framework of Internal Family Systems. When our natural emotions are held back for too long and the system cannot release them, managers try to keep everything controlled and smooth. The pressure builds, the strain grows, and eventually firefighters rush forward with urgency. These parts believe they must act now to prevent the whole system from being overwhelmed.

Black Friday spending, overeating, drinking, emotional shutdown, porn addiction, gambling, scrolling, and impulsive decisions often look like a lack of discipline on the outside. Inside the IFS framework, these are firefighter parts working hard to protect you. Their goal is simple. Stop the pain immediately. They sense rising intensity, old grief resurfacing, family tension, pressure to perform, or memories that feel heavy. When exiles begin to stir with sadness, loneliness, or fear, and when managers can no longer keep peace in the system, firefighters take over. They bring quick relief through distraction, numbing, or escape.

During the holidays this pattern becomes especially clear. Expectations rise. Schedules fill. Old relationship wounds can surface. Financial strain becomes louder. Grief can creep in without warning. All of this can push the system to its limit. Firefighters are not reckless or destructive. They are trying to protect the most vulnerable parts of you from feeling too much at once. When they encourage you to buy more than you intended, pour another drink, eat until you feel numb, or collapse into a scroll hole, they are acting out of loyalty. Their methods are urgent because they believe they are saving you from emotional fire.

Understanding firefighters shifts the whole experience from shame to compassion. These parts are not the enemy. They are trying to protect the system with the tools they know. When you recognize their urgency as an act of care, you can begin to support them rather than fight them. And that creates new possibilities for calming your nervous system before overwhelm takes over.

A Deeper Look at Firefighters in IFS

Firefighters have a few defining qualities. They act instantly and without hesitation. They focus on immediate relief and not long term impact. They use intensity because intensity works quickly. They often operate alone because they believe they are the only ones who can stop the emotional flood. They react when exiles are hurting and managers are losing control, and they do it out of a genuine desire to keep you safe.

When you understand this, holiday behaviors make more sense. The overeating, the larger purchase, the extra drink, the withdrawal from family events, or the sudden irritability are not signs of moral failure. They are firefighters stepping in because the system feels overloaded.

Healthier Ways to Calm the Nervous System

Supporting your firefighters does not mean shutting them down. It means offering them better tools.

Walking

A gentle walk can reset the nervous system. Forward movement signals safety and helps the body settle.

Warmth

Warm showers, heated blankets, warm drinks, or sitting by a fire help the body quiet its stress response.

Breathing with long exhales

Slow breathing with longer exhales activates the rest and digest system and brings down emotional intensity.

Checking in with the part

You can pause and ask the firefighter inside what it is trying to protect you from. Being seen softens urgency.

Grounding the body

Feeling your feet on the floor, placing a hand on your chest, or holding something with texture pulls the system back into the present moment.

Reaching out to someone safe

Connection eases the load. Firefighters relax when you do not feel alone.

Creating a small boundary

Stepping out of the store, closing the cart, taking a break from the kitchen, or pausing notifications gives your system space to breathe.

These options remind your firefighters that they are not alone. You can partner with them instead of expecting them to carry everything.

A Kinder Way to Move Through the Holidays

When you see your behaviors through the lens of IFS, you realize that your system is not broken. It is doing its best to cope with holiday intensity. Your firefighters are working hard. Your exiles are tender. Your managers want peace. Everyone in the system is doing what they believe will protect you.

This season, stay curious. Notice when firefighters appear. Offer them movement, warmth, breath, grounding, and connection. Let them know you can help carry the emotional load. And remember Poirot’s observation. When people are forced into artificial harmony and pressured to be more amiable than they feel, the dam eventually bursts. The goal is not to hold back the flood. The goal is to create enough safety inside that the water does not have to rise at all.

If you want to work with these parts or find steadier ways to move through holiday overwhelm, we offer IFS therapy here in Colorado Springs and online.