How Trauma Erodes Our Identity—and How Self-Care Becomes Sacred Work

Written by our team member and trauma therapist in Colorado, Jeri Peterson.

There are moments in trauma recovery when you feel like a ghost inside your own life. You go through the motions. You smile when expected. You respond to emails, refill the coffee, even volunteer at church. But underneath, something’s missing—not just energy or focus, but you.

This is the heart of trauma: a break in the continuity of self. And the healing journey is not just about managing symptoms—it’s about returning to yourself.

Trauma and the Fragmented Self

Trauma doesn’t just leave us with anxiety, flashbacks, or trouble sleeping. It distorts our very sense of identity.

• “Who am I, if I couldn’t protect them?”

• “What’s the point of anything anymore?”

• “I feel like I’ve disappeared from my own body.”

When trauma overwhelms the nervous system, it fragments the connection between mind, body, and spirit. The self becomes a survival shell—functional on the outside, but hollow within. This is often accompanied by what many trauma survivors describe as a sense of impending doom—a felt sense that something terrible is always about to happen, even when things are calm.

This inner dread is not irrational. It’s the residue of trauma encoded into the nervous system. And it keeps people locked in high-alert mode, unable to rest, reflect, or reconnect.

Why “Self-Care” Feels Impossible for Trauma Survivors

When your nervous system is wired for survival, self-care can feel foreign, selfish, or unsafe.

• Rest may feel threatening.

• Eating regularly may feel undeserved.

• Setting boundaries may trigger guilt or fear of abandonment.

And here’s the truth: people who are deeply traumatized often excel at caring for others but struggle to care for themselves. Why? Because their worth became tied to usefulness or silence early on. Because their body or voice may not have felt like a safe place to inhabit.

Returning to Self Through Sacred Self-Care

If trauma disconnects us from our self, then healing is about reconnection. That’s why self-care isn’t a trend or indulgence—it’s sacred.

Here’s what returning to self might look like in real life:

1. Start Where You Are, Not Where You “Should” Be

Forget the spa days and Instagram routines. For a trauma survivor, self-care might look like:

• Eating a warm meal before 2 p.m.

• Drinking water when you want to numb out

• Saying “no” without a 3-paragraph apology

2. Name the Feeling, But Don’t Jump in the River

Use the River of Emotion analogy:“My feelings are rushing by like a river. I can sit on the bank and observe, without being swept away.”You are not your panic. You are not your sadness. You are the observer. You are the anchored self.

3. Rebuild Safety Before Expecting Change

No real growth happens without felt safety. This might mean:

• Limiting time with people who minimize your pain

• Making your home feel more like a refuge

• Slowing down before trying to fix everything

4. Use Micro-Moments of Self-Compassion

Instead of forcing love or positivity, try:

• “This moment is hard, and I’m doing my best.”

• “I didn’t deserve what happened to me.”

• “My needs matter, even if they weren’t honored before.”

Even 10 seconds of self-kindness rewires the brain over time.

A New Definition of Self-Care

Let’s redefine self-care for trauma recovery:

Self-care is the consistent practice of treating yourself like someone worth saving.

It’s not bubble baths. It’s boundaries. It’s not always gentle. It’s fierce. It’s not selfish. It’s godly.

Final Word: You Are Still in There

If you’ve been lost in the fog of trauma—of hypervigilance, of emotional numbing, of endless exhaustion—please hear this:

You are not broken. You are buried. And every small act of self-kindness is a shovel.

Come back.

One breath, one boundary, one bite, one tear at a time.

You are returning to yourself.