Predictability vs. Surprise: What Disorders Reveal, and What the Self Brings (IFS)

This post contains language used in IFS like Parts and Self. In IFS, we get to know our “parts” through compassionate curiosity and the roles they play in our internal family. Think of the characters in Inside Out and how they relate to one another. They have a role in Riley’s internal world. Riley is the Self.

When we look closely at patterns of mental illness or traits like psychopathy, something striking becomes clear: the patterns are highly predictable. They play out the same way, across people and situations, like a script we’ve seen before. Those who carry deep wounding or rigid strategies for survival often behave in repetitive, constricted ways.

In Internal Family Systems (IFS) language, these are the parts of us that have taken on extreme roles to protect us from pain. Managers and firefighters work tirelessly, even frantically, to keep exiles from flooding us with unbearable feelings. Their strategies—whether it’s control, avoidance, perfectionism, rage, or charm—are not very creative. They are efficient and reliable, but also repetitive and limited. Over time, they start to feel like patterns we could predict before they even unfold.

This is the nature of parts when they’re burdened. They don’t get to express their full range of possibility. Instead, they get locked into one role, one strategy, one predictable way of being. That’s why mental illness can look the same across different people: the anxious spiral, the depressive withdrawal, the narcissistic demand for admiration, the pattern of grooming, the psychopathic manipulation. The costumes vary, but the play is familiar.

In IFS, the Self can be described as a conductor of a symphony. The different sections are the Parts.

The Surprise of the Self

What’s different in a healthy system is the presence of the Self—that core essence of a person that IFS describes as calm, curious, compassionate, creative, and connected. Self isn’t limited by the old scripts. It doesn’t have to follow rigid strategies. Instead, it brings flexibility, choice, and freedom.

When Self is leading, people surprise us—not in a chaotic or unsafe way, but in a way that’s fresh and alive. Self brings humor where you expected tension, compassion where you anticipated defensiveness, wisdom where you braced for conflict. It makes space for parts to step out of their rigid roles and discover new ways of being.

This is why truly healthy people feel unique, dynamic, and creative. They don’t just run the predictable patterns of protection. They live from a deeper source that allows them to respond rather than react.

Healing and Wholeness

The work of therapy, especially IFS, is about creating conditions where parts can unburden and relax, and where Self can lead. When that happens, a person is no longer defined by rigid, repetitive patterns. They can move fluidly between roles, connect authentically, and express creativity in ways that feel surprising—even to themselves. When the Self leads, we can express love, joy and peace in times of trial, kindness to enemies, patience to the child who has a sensory disorder, gentleness to the teen who slams their door, and breaking of generational patterns.

Mental illness thrives on predictability; healing thrives on creativity. Disorders lock us into scripts; Self sets us free to improvise.

And that’s what makes a healthy human life so beautiful: it is never just a repeat performance.